


Unheard Forests Make For Fallen Trees

by 102



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Break Up, Consensual Underage Sex, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, I'm shaking it up yo, M/M, Neglect, Non-Chronological, OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Punk!Tyler, Religious Guilt, Sad!Josh, Self-Harm, Therapy, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, okay we get it he's underage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-20 19:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10668933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/102/pseuds/102
Summary: "Josh do you know why you're here?""Mum said it's because I'm going to start falling through the holes in my socks... I know she's just teasing but, y'know, I think I'm starting to believe it"





	1. Open Seams and Hospital Sheets

**Author's Note:**

> hello! so this is my first fanfic that I've posted on here. getting back into writing is recommended as part of my therapy, so I must warn you that things will be sporadic and all over the place. this is very much based on someone who I've had the pleasure of meeting and through her experiences I came up with this story. the ocd diagnosis is mine, and everything pertaining to that subject will be from my experiences alone. i plan to have 2-3 different memories in each chapter. it is non-linear but it should start making sense and falling into place soon. thank you for the patience xx

“Always start from the end. My 10th grade English teacher once told me that, 'for without an end there is no beginning' or something equally obnoxious and stupid like that. Endings are always hard to understand. Beginning are even harder. English class is also pretty hard too now that I think about it- “

“Josh?”

“Hmm? Sorry just lost that train of thought…”

He starts picking at his socks again, looking down, almost waiting for those words to be yelled at him once more, his therapist just looks at him but doesn’t say a word. He feels another hole being started right next to his big toe. He smiles to himself.

“Don’t focus on everything making sense okay? Just try and remember certain events or times that you feel like you need to talk about. Don’t worry about when they happened, just let it out. I can’t help you if you're too busy rearranging everything that happened in your head to even tell me why you're here today.”

If Josh was unsure about this doctors' methods before, he's pretty much lost all hope at this point.

“I’m trying”

“I know you are.” It’s now that she decides to finally mention the elephant in the room.

“Josh, please stop picking and look at me.”

Josh looks up to squinted eyes that could either mean discontent or disgust. He goes with the later and removes his hands from pulling apart the seam running across his toes, cheeks red with embarrassment. He starts wringings his hands together instead, tightly gripping his thumbs in a tight fist to try to stop the urge to continue his assault on his footwear.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to not do that.”

“That’s why I’m here, we’ll figure this out together, okay?”

There’s a hand on his knee, he tightens and breaths come quicker. She doesn’t pull away. Isn't she supposed to pull away?

“Now, start where you can. I know some things are going to be hard to talk about… Its only been a year since-"

“I’m fine to talk about it, don’t treat me like a fucking baby, Gillian”

Josh snapped, suddenly irritated with being treated like a child. 17 isn’t a child. 17 year olds have their shit together. Josh would kill to have his shit together.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I just don’t understand… I thought-”

“I know, I felt the connection too. It was there. I love you.”

Suddenly there’s the disgusting feeling of bile in his throat, words that just 5 minutes ago would have set his heart on fire now just made him feel filthy.

“Don’t fucking say that- “

“It’s true though! Never mind just… I have to go.”

And then the anxiety sets in.

“… yeah, goodnight I guess… is it still okay if I text you? Like once a day? Just to see how you’re doing...”

“Yeah! Whenever you need me, I’ll be there. I’d like that.”

“Okay goodnight… I love you.”

There’s that feeling again…

“I love you too babe, goodnight.”

Josh was usually the one to hang up on their phone calls first, hearing that beep on the other end of the line is what finally opened the floodgates, so to speak. Looking down at his contact picture, them smiling at prom with his, (now ex), boyfriend, arm wrapped around Josh with a stupid grin on his face (a friend once told Josh that he looked like a serial killer from smiling so much that night, Josh took it as a compliment), made him so woozy he quite honestly thought he was going to die. He could hear his brother outside with his parents, they were laughing. Josh felt the bile stop teasing his tonsils and begin to make him gag. He was dragging his weak body to the bathroom when all that happened finally hit home.

He now knows from experience that it is very hard to plead for forgiveness and throw up at the same time.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He shouldn’t have put on socks before going down to sit with his mother that morning. He’s already ruined 3 pairs this week, his fingers unable to stay still and do what he wants them to do for longer than 2 minutes. He’s not really sure when these ugly compulsions actually started, but the picking, rubbing, and scratching is the only thing that is making him feel sane these days; ironically.

“Good morning Josh”

His mother is in the kitchen, probably making lunch for Jordan. She’s given up on trying to get Josh to eat at least twice a day. It’s fine though. Can’t have good food going to waste.

“Morning mum. I had a crazy dream last night…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, okay so it was so weird. I was stuck in an air vent – “

“Jordan! Make sure you grab a bottle of water before you get on the bus! Remember you have volleyball tonight, I’ll pick you up at 5! Have a good day!”

With his mother's voice taking over his last slipping memory of the nightmare that plagued him for the last 3 hours, Josh just stares at the back of his mothers robe as she hollers out the front door to a smiling Jordan in the driveway, willing her to look back at him and listen. As usual, that doesn't happen. 

Standing in the kitchen now, Josh just goes about pulling a glass of juice out of the fridge, realizing his mother was never really paying attention in the first place.

He grits his teeth to stop from screaming.

“Good talk mom,” he says under his breath.

“Don’t give me this today Josh," his mother finally turning around, meeting his eyes and making his squirm under her glare, "I can’t listen to everything you say all the time.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry…”

He waits until his mother is turned back around before quickly pouring his glass of apple juice down the sink and disappearing into the bathroom to brush his teeth, the last thing he hears as he shuts the door is his mother sighing in disappointment.  


	2. Give Me Your Filth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo theres a little bit of sexy times at the start, if that's not your thing then its all good! scroll down a bit man! don't worry my dudes! the sex isn't entirely important to the story so don't sweat! also! we kinda meet tyler! and things get even more confusing (but I promise you'll understand it all soon)! lmao love you guys 
> 
> Chapter title from Miss Missing You by fob 
> 
> xx

“Oh god Josh… fuck, I love you so much” 

Suddenly Josh’s body is being rocked into at a faster pace. His lovers’ rhythm smooth as ever, making the younger boy whimper underneath his bruising touches and scorching kisses. It’s a Sunday evening in the back of Tyler’s moms’ Honda civic. Josh briefly remembers thinking how nice and pristine the seats were before he got into the car; what a pity. 

“You like that baby? You’re so fucking beautiful like this, coming apart under me like that. Wish I could have you like this all the time, yeah? My little whore, all mine.”

Josh could only let out a high-pitched whine as Tyler finally released the grip that he had on his sore neck with a possessive growl, his muscles convulsing as his body struggles to bring in some much-needed air. Panting, Josh finally gathers the courage to ask out loud what he’s been begging Tyler for telepathically for the past 15 minutes. 

“Wanna c-come so bad, p-please can I come daddy? Been so g-good…” 

“You can come baby boy, you’re so fucking amazing. All tight and loud just for me” 

It didn’t seem to bother either of the boys that they were currently squished together in a lunch box sized car in a Wal-Mart parking lot. From Josh’s limited view of the outside world through the back window, he can see an elderly man walking his dog. The man stops for a moment, and watches just until the window fogs completely and Tyler’s hand presses against it for stability. Josh only laughs to himself for a moment at the mans look of absolute disgust before he finally feels the tight, white hot, tangle of heat in his stomach release suddenly, painting both his stomach and Tyler’s moms center console with hot spurts of cum. Tyler grunting and finishing inside him moments later. 

With nothing more than a moan from Tyler and silent pleas for God’s forgiveness from Josh; the earth finally resumes moving. Grabbing the beach towel left over from their camping trip the week before, Tyler begins cleaning the both of them off, sliding the towel under Josh before pulling out completely. Josh watched in silence as his boyfriend watched the cum drip out of the boy’s used hole and onto the smiling face of a red starfish as if he were witnessing the second coming of Christ. 

“As much as I thoroughly enjoy your fascination with my ass, we should really get going. You know what my mom’s like when I break curfew… especially when- “

“- when she knows you’re with me. I know baby.” Tyler leans forward, giving him one final passionate kiss before lifting himself up with a groan, pulling his pants back on before attempting to move back to the driver’s seat. “Why does she hate me so much anyways?” 

“She doesn’t hate you… she just, she doesn’t understand...” 

“Josh,” Tyler turns to face the boy in the backseat, his eyes hard and cold. Not loving and kind like they were 5 minutes earlier, “she absolutely fucking does don’t even try to play it off.” 

“She’ll come around I promise, just, give her time. She’s still trying to come to terms with my sexuality and you came along so soon after I came out she barely had any time at all to process and- “ 

“Shut up. I don’t want to fucking talk about it.”

Josh can see his jaw tighten even from the backseat. It makes a shiver course through his veins, his muscles convulsing from both the anxiety building in his chest and the cold air entering from the drivers side window where Tyler opened it. It probably reeked of sex. Not like Josh would ever think of complaining about that. 

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” Josh says quietly. Trying to salvage their night, he attempts to meet Tyler’s eyes in the rearview mirror, hoping the guilt showing in his face would help to relieve the tension that had grown between them. Tyler just shifts the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot, not even a second glance at the now teary eyed boy huddled in the backseat. 

“Whatever, fuck it, I’m taking you home.”

Sitting up, Josh quickly slips on his boxers and pants while Tyler pulls up to a red light. Wincing at the shock of pain that shoots up from his tailbone from their earlier activities, he glances at the rearview once more to see Tyler rolling his eyes at him before watching the auburn light turn green and pressing on the gas pedal with enough force to send Josh jolting backwards slightly before regaining his balance. Halfway through putting his shirt on, Josh is suddenly reminded of why they came into town in the first place. 

“Ty? Umm can we maybe just stop off at McDonalds or even like Subway or something before you drop me off? We didn’t get the chance to eat yet and I thought we would so I didn’t eat at work today and I was just wondering if we could stop because I don’t know if I’ll have time to eat in the morning and- “

“I’m sure your mommy will feed you when you get home Josh stop whining all the time. Your mom’s already going to give me shit for keeping you out this late on a school night. You’re going home, end of story.” 

Finally making eye contact with the boy in the backseat, Tyler just scoffs in annoyance  
“You’d think I never do anything for you, perk up Josh for fuck sakes. Don’t be such a baby. I’m saving your ass you know that, right? Do you really want to be the reason why your mom won’t let me take you out anymore? All because you wanted something as stupid as food? Don’t be so dumb…” 

“You’re right Ty, I’m sorry. Thank you.” 

Tyler meets his eyes in the rearview and reaches back to hold his hand, rubbing his thumb against his knuckles tenderly. All the tension in the air seems to melt away as Tyler gives him a soft smile; making Josh’s muscles fall limp under his gaze. It didn’t matter how much he would hurt Josh, time after time, Josh always came running back to him. Tyler smiled to himself and continued to drive towards his boyfriends’ house, ignoring the blissed-out look on Josh’s face. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“- And then he just started to cry! Like, what the actual fuck? In the middle of sex, he just stopped mid thrust and burst into tears! I couldn’t even move because he just fell on me, like, what kind of dude does that? I get that he’s sorta emotional but I didn’t sign up to be the basketball captains’ shoulder to cry on. It's bullshit like why does he have to be such a little girl about it… just fuck me and get it over with!” 

Josh struggled to hang on to consciousness as his best friend Emma droned on about the guy, basketball star Tyler Joseph, who she had been seeing for the past 3 weeks. He loved this girl to death, through thick and thin, good fucks and bad, but sometimes he just couldn’t keep up with her never-ending stream of chatter. Today was one of those days. 

“After when I finally got him to leave, he was putting on his coat and there were these marks on his arms. I think he burns himself Josh. Like, who does that? He’s a fucking popular dude for heavens sakes! What’s his problem?” 

His eyes finally start to slip close right as she snaps her fingers in front of his face, waking him up enough to have the sense to look at her face. He notices a faded hickey on her neck and a look of disappointment in her eyes. She crosses her arms and suddenly the envy Josh feels towards her abused skin takes second place to his blushing cheeks. 

“Sorry, Em. It was a long night…” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, Mr. I’m-gonna-take-5-AP-classes-this-semester, we get it. You’re smart.” 

Josh smirks under her piercing blue eyes, he knows his grades were always a soft spot for her. Little did she know his late nights consisted more of tear stained pillow cases and broken elastic bands than vectors and photons these days.

“Anyways, back to Tyler Joseph. What do I do about it, like, he said that he wants to continue to see each other but, I don’t know how I feel about it… I don’t need someone crying every time I just want to get dicked down man.” 

She looked as if this were a serious concern of serious importance; so, Josh decided he should act in kind. 

“Well, maybe just pinch him really hard next time. So, when he starts crying you can just pretend that it’s because you’re just so much stronger than him" 

Emma slapped his arm teasingly before continuing to eat her salad. “Dude," she whispers, nudging Josh in the ribs, "he literally won’t stop staring at me... do you think he’s a creep? Man, he sure seems like one…” 

Josh maybe forgets (or maybe he doesn’t), to tell Emma that when she looks down to check her texts, that the person Tyler was trying to make eye contact with wasn’t her at all. 

And maybe, just maybe, Josh hopes it isn’t a total fluke that when he looks up, his eyes come to rest on deep, dark, chocolate brown ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what to do kids, wail out on that kudos button or yell at me in the comments! yelling is good for the soul! xx


	3. Make My Blood Run Blue (You Know I Cant Live Without You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! exam today, tomorrow, the musical I'm a part of opens tomorrow as well, my life is a shit show oops but ill try and get another one out by the end of the week. things are just hectic rn yell at me
> 
> love u xx

“- so that’s when I realized that he was actually watching me and not her. His eyes just lit up, even from across the room I could see how beautiful they were. It was strange… no one’s ever given me a look like that before…” 

Somewhere in between Josh talking about the back seats of the Honda and Emma’s awkward sexual experience, the confusion and concern on his therapist’s face grew exponentially. He always thought that they were supposed to be trained or whatever on keeping an even expression during therapy sessions. Guess Gillian missed the memo about that. 

“What was the look he was giving you, Josh?” 

The boy looked down at the taupe and grey woven carpet that ran from one end of the room to the other, doing everything in his power to not meet her eyes. His focus eventually landed on the black socks he was wearing, and by instinct his thumb and forefinger latched onto the sewn corner (something his mother had done earlier in an attempt to not have to buy him new socks this week). He rubbed the tip almost sensually, muscles relaxing and coming undone just like the edge of the thread that he was attempting to unravel. Josh ran his tongue over his teeth in one last attempt to slow his breathing. 

“Hunger. He gave me that look and… I swear it was like he wanted to eat me alive.” 

And with one final tug, the thread let go. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Graduation night was supposed to be an evening of achievement and triumph; the cold glass of water at the end of a marathon, so to speak. Josh couldn’t wait for it to be over. He was sat (first row, or course. That’s where Tyler wanted him), on uncomfortable plastic chairs with his camera gripped tightly in his hands, waiting for his boyfriend’s name to be called. Josh looks down the row of empty seats saved for his boyfriends' family. He frowns. 

“Tyler Joseph, Worthington’s Varsity Basketball Captain. Tyler will be attending Ohio State next year on a full scholarship.”

As soon as those words are said, the whole gymnasium erupts in applause and shouts from Tyler’s teammates. Josh is pretty sure his own face is going to split open. 

From up on stage, Tyler shakes the principal’s hand. Cameras are going off from just about every angle. Everyone wants a picture of the boy wonder himself. Up there in the limelight is exactly where he belongs and anyone would be able to tell that it’s what he lives for. Josh isn’t sure whether the sparkle in his eyes are from how happy he is or if it’s simply just the after effect of the flashing lights around him. It’s at times like these that remind Josh of how undeserving he is of this wonderful boy. Tyler was the type of boy who parents wanted their children to look up to. Full ride. Captain. Perfect. He was the sun and Josh was more than aware of this. 

He watched as Tyler descended the stairs at the side of the stage and went to go sit back down, the applause still going strong. As hard as Josh tried to focus on the next name being called, he didn’t miss the scowl that tore through his boyfriends' face as he looked down the line of empty chairs next to Josh, finally coming to the realization that his family had failed to show up once more. The younger boy just sighed to himself as the next graduate stood up to take the stage; it was going to be a long night.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Babe, look at this sweater! I love this brand so much I think they’re out of Norway or something, like, I don’t even know the currency it’s in that’s wild!” 

Josh turned his attention away from his phone to look at what Tyler was showing him on his laptop screen. I was very nice, actually. The design seemed to just pop off the dark hoodie. The artistry was impeccable; it looked very expensive. 

“It is really nice Ty, sucks it’s from so far away… it would cost so much to get here.” 

“I know but like…can I think of it as an early birthday present? Or like, maybe like a “congrats for getting into college and doing something with your life” present? I just really love it Joshie please? I’m so broke right now you know I’d buy it for myself if I had the money...” 

All it took was one push of his (gorgeous, wonderful, magical, fantastical, extraordinary) bottom lip for Josh to give in.

“Fine. But only because I love you so much.” 

“You’re the best baby,” Tyler said, face lighting up into one of his signature grins, “Ill take you out before I leave for college, yeah? Movie, dinner, fucking in the backseat, the whole 9 yards I promise.” His words made a smile finally appear on the younger boys’ face. 

“That sounds nice, Ty. You really should be saving your money for school though…”

“Hush darling, you’re worth it, trust me. I’d give you the world if I could,” It was then when Tyler’s phone started to ring, loud and shrill. It had been going off a lot lately. He said it was for classes and scheduling nonsense. Josh already knew what the boy was going to say before he even took the phone out of his pocket. 

“Sorry babe, I really gotta take this,” he said looking down at the screen and getting up quickly, “I’ll just be outside just…” Tyler didn’t even have to finish the sentence. Josh was already walking downstairs to do the dishes (Tyler always forgot and he didn’t want his mom to get mad and start yelling when she got home. Josh hated the yelling).

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They never did go out on that date. Josh didn’t mind. 

(He minded)

“I just don’t have time, Josh” 

“I know, it’s okay. You have more important things” 

It was okay. 

It was fine. 

(It wasn’t.) 

There are more important things. 

(He cried himself to sleep that night)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u know what to do kids! yell @ me

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me if you like it, yell if you hate it, yelling I good for stress relief guys just fucking yell okay? thank you for reading this shit storm xx


End file.
